Monday, December 21, 2009


I have a confession to make.

We have a dancing, singing Santa Claus in our house. He is about five feet tall, and he has one of those flapping lips (you know, the kind that makes me want to break glass. Oh, you didn't know? Well, now you do. Isn't it wonderful, learning new things?).

When he sings, he swings his hips side to side and his arms flap back and forth (like he's trying to feel you up - I swear the thing has done it to me before. Do. not. like.).

He has beady eyes and a flat head.

And I want to drop-kick him.

Every time he is set up - that first time I see him, standing all smug in the corner, thinking he's loved by all - I want to drop-kick him right in his sassy face.

I don't like Santa Claus. Mostly because I don't like all the hype and the lies and the blagh* about Santa Claus. That 5' hip-swinging, lip-flapping dummy in the corner represents pretty much everything I dislike about the Christmas season - consumerism, lies, the "reason" for being "good" of these days I might not be able to stop myself.

Horrified bystanders will watch with shock as I pwn that sucker.

Merry Christmas.

* in other words, stuff that makes my brain tired, sore, and angry.


  1. But a certain old man named Yogrynch LIKES him. And I'd venture to say that your eldest sister has a crush on him, too. At least a teensy, weensy bit of a crush. The kids like him.

    I DON'T like him... but I'm willing to put up with him so Yogrynch can have a chuckle.

  2. Santa tries to feel you up?

    I always knew behind those beady eyes lay a sneak...

  3. I do have a crush on him. :D

    All my kids do the "Santa/Daniel" dance, too. ;)

  4. Oh dear... I'm with Linda on this one. Singing, dancing robots scare me. My mother-in-law has a singing, dancing Frosty, that is 6 feet tall and has dead eyes. It freaks me out, man.

  5. Emma likes Santa now that she's a big girl. But Ava goes by him quickly and shoots a parting remark as she leaves the room --> "Bad Santa!"

    Tee hee.