Some Comercials Should Never Be Aired

You know the one I'm talking about?

The Lotto 649 Jackpot, 'whatwouldyoudoifyouwon' advertisement on the radio?

This commercial really illustrates the uninspired imagination of 'regular people'.

The one that bothers me the most, and in fact causes painful spasms to go up my spine, into my brain and settle defiantly behind my eyeballs is this sentence:

"I would buy a chocolate store."

Followed by,

"And then I would eat all of the chocolate."

?

REALLY?

Can someone smack that actor upside the head for me?

no one,

and I repeat,

NO ONE

can really be that stupid!

Or can they?

Premium

My eldest daughter and I had the privilege of seeing Camelot at the Festival Theatre in Stratford last night.  It was a great play, full of lively music and banter and fun.  And buns, but that's another story.

On the way in, I ordered a glass of wine for each of us that would be ready when we came out for intermission.  I checked out the choices and the cost: $7 per glass, or $10 per glass for PREMIUM.  The server assured me it was a good Cabernet Sauvignon.

It was not.

Tasted like horse pee.  Not that I have ever tasted horse pee, but it tasted like I could imagine horse pee would taste.   Not good.

And certainly not "Premium."

And that bugs me.

Words can't describe the rage I am feeling.

Okay.

While pressure washing Jay and I were about to pull into the next store's parking lot.

I saw this group of teenagers.

There was one dude and two girls. And maybe more. I don't know. I think they had just come out of KFC.

This guy all of a sudden threw his drink up in the air.

Of course, gravity works, it came back down. It ticks me off because

1. He PURPOSEFULLY threw it in the air.

2. He didn't pick up his garbage. He stepped over it.

Now, that's bad enough, but what if I told you a garbage can was right. In. Front. Of. Him.

Not out of his way.

NO no, actually it was very much IN his way.

The freakin' dude threw his perfectly good drink in the air, watched it come down, saw it land, stepped over it, then passed a GARBAGE CAN JUST FOR GARBAGE on his way!!

I must say, I was so close to jumping out of the car and kicking him in his babies while screaming.

I should have rolled down the window but I was too busy hollering "DOUCHE!!" at him.

Ugh.

One day I will hunt him down and grind his face in the sidewalk until all his skin is off and then I'll make him pick it up and put THAT in the garbage.

GARG!

It Bugs Me...Random Post!

That this blog has seen very little activity lately. (It bugs me that I could not remember the word "activity" until a few seconds passed by. Curse you, fatigue!)

I suppose it might be a good thing that people haven't been posting; that could mean that people are less bugged, and that would be great. That's probably not the case...

It bugs me that I have this taste in my mouth. It's not terrible, just...there.

It bugs me that I'm not accomplishing everything my brain thinks I should. Stupid brain. Be smarter!

It bugs me that I have itchy scratches on my arm, courtesy of an adorable yet evil kitten, who thinks that petting means "fight time, claws extended".

It bugs me that I can't make a reasonable acronym out of "fight time, claws extended", so I must change it to "fight all, claws extended", so I can say F.A.C.E.

It bugs me that face is a word. It's so weird. (yea, well, so's your face! There, I said it first.)

Buying Anything

We need a new vehicle. We know this. We've been shopping around. Comparing prices, locations, etc.

You know what really really grates my cheese?

When someone advertises a price, but then adds a few hundred extra to that number when you contact them.

I'm obviously contacting you because I might be interested in the vehicle you're selling, which I'm assuming is priced accordingly to what it would be worth with a bit extra so your wife can get that new couch. I'm not expecting you to counter me with a number HIGHER then your asking price.

This is not an Auction. If it was where's the guy who entertains me with his unbelievable fast speaking word meshing abilities?

Be honest and up front with me BEFORE I ask.

That's all.

Get off my A$$!!!

You know what bugs me?

Tailgaters.

Seriously. 

Makes me have some serious road rage.

For the past two weeks, on our way home from dance class, in the DARK, there has been a vehicle riding my rear.

I am not impressed.

When the interior of my vehicle is as bright as daytime - IN THE DARK - with my very darkly tinted van windows, you are too close.  Get off my a$$.

Both times I suppressed my rage, and instead of slamming on my brakes (but officer, there was a dog/cat/coon on the road!) I just let off the gas.  And, eventually *both times* by the time the van slowed down to 20km, the stupids finally passed me.

If you want to drive faster than me, go for it.  Pass me, and speed on.

If you want to drive slower than me, get ready for me to pass you.

If you want to drive the same speed as me... BACK THE HELL OFF MY A$$!!

I Love Canada

But we can sometimes be pretty odd. By odd I mean unimaginably strange, bordering on insanity, etc.

This post would have included a lot more rage, but I have since learned that this monstrosity has been altered. Is it true, or am I just hoping I don't have to go on the hunt? From what I have been led to understand, there was enough of an uproar from the masses (rah! Rah! Rah! Or should I say Roar! Roar! Roar!) that the ludicrous rule has been redefined: it's now a subject of mercy. So any soccer team that is devastating the opposition by six points automatically wins without having to play the full game. The game just ends. This I can understand. This I am fine with. I will not eviscerate and defenestrate anyone anymore. (My fist of death was tingling for no reason, apparently. Calm down, fist of death. You'll get your day.)

So, I'm glad that this new regulation has been changed, but I can't help but wonder why it was even brought to the table at all. I mean, really! Let's teach our kids that trying your best and pushing yourself to the limit of your abilities is a waste of time! Yea! That's a great idea. Let's remove all hope for future excellence by telling them they can be no more excellent than the worst guys out there. That would be unfair.

What's next with something like this?

Canadian race-car drivers: slow down, geez! Do you want to win or something? Don't you know it's an automatic lose if you cross the finish first?

Pianists: don't play so well! You'll get the lowest score possible if you outshine the other pianists here! Make some mistakes, kid. Perfection makes other kids feel bad. Jerk.

Artists: um, yea...drawing a flower that doesn't look like a pile of hurl is a recipe for disaster.

No excellence allowed! No trying your best! We're looking for okayness.

I can see it now:

Future Canadian child: Hey Coach, I kicked the ball toward the goal, but it bounced off the post. Was that okay?

Coach: Yea, it was okay.

Future Canadian child: YESSSS!

Other Canadian child: Hey, his okayness makes me feel bad!

-_-